The Second Cocoon

“To relinquish your former identity is to sacrifice the story you have been living, the one that defined you, empowered you socially - and limited you. This sacrifice captures the essence of leaving home.”
Bill Plotkin

Leaving home (both literally and figuratively) is perhaps the most pivotal and yet horrifying phase on the transcendental journey from adolescence into adulthood, or in Bill Plotkins’ words, “... into the fully embodied life of your soul.” Bill refers to this process as the second cocoon, “the time between death and rebirth.” He further illustrates the meaning of this time in one’s life and the gentleness, mentality, perseverance and creativity needed to wander through this arduous phase through a poem by T.S. Elliot:

I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope
For hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without love
For love would be to love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith
But the faith and the love and the hope are all in the waiting.
Wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought:
So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing.
Whisper of the running streams, and winter lightning.
The wild thyme unseen and the wild strawberry,
The laughter in the garden, echoed ecstasy
Not lost, but requiring, pointing to the agony
Of death and birth.

As a wanderer in the second cocoon, “Two essential tasks must be addressed: saying good-bye to the old and making yourself ready for the new.” He adds, “There are two subtasks involved in truly leaving home: honing your skills of self-reliance, and relinquishing attachment to your former identity.” Bill provides us with the examples of seven commonly used practices to assist us, the wanderers, through this process: completing unfinished business from earlier life stages, giving up addictions, welcoming home the loyal solider, healing work with the sacred wound, learning to chose authenticity over social acceptance, making peace with the past: the death lodge and learning the art of disidentification through meditation.

The example of learning how to chose authenticity over social acceptance spoke to me the most. “Now in the second cocoon, you must take up the practice of reversing the priority between acceptance and authenticity. Authenticity and integrity become your foundations for asking the deeper questions of soul.” I think I’m a pretty authentic person but there’s something that stirs from within when I think of, read or hear the word authentic. I’ve given this a considerable amount of thought and I think the source of it all is that I’m ready to move on in my wandering. I’ve realized that my soul’s journey is still in adolescence and that I continue to live and guide my life according to ideas, ethics, morals and systems that were formulated when I was both physically and mentally in adolescence. It’s something to realize, truly realize, that the only hinderance in becoming the person you want to be is yourself, or rather your adolescent self. The identity that I’ve so carefully constructed and protected up to this point has served it’s purpose but it’s not who I want to be anymore. It doesn’t reflect the world I see. I sometimes feel like I’m multiple people throughout the day. I have the version of myself that goes to work, the social version, this version of me typing behind the computer, the version of me that... well, you name it. It’s exhausting to even think about, and for what? Social acceptance? Because I’m a Libra and want everyone to like me? It doesn’t make any sense. Bill, in his seemingly infinite wisdom, has this to say about authenticity:

“Distinguishing authenticity from deception - at any stage of life - requires the ability to access and understand your emotions, desires, and values. But the more advanced practice of choosing authenticity over social acceptance requires something more: you must tell yourself and your intimate others the truth, all of it, as deep as you can, especially when it’s difficult. What you express is from the heart and intended to serve both yourself and others. You must adopt the practice of making all your actions align with what you know to be emotionally and spiritually true.”

I believe that authenticity emanating from the souls purpose is key to creating sustainable and effective communities. These are the communities we want to reestablish, right? Communities made-up of people who want to be there, who need to be there. I also understand that communities can be a source of authenticity. Perhaps the reason we lack fully authentic people (and therefore, soulful adults) is because our culture subscribes to or is even based on inauthenticity, secrecy and the like?

I end this post with an announcement... I have decided to join a men’s group called, Making Soup from the Bones: Grief, Initiation and the Healing of the Masculine Soul. Our purpose will be to mythically and creatively redefine and heal our souls through community. I also plan to begin taking art classes sometime after the new year, working with music in someway shape or form and I will take part in my first week long vision quest (hopefully via Bill Plotkin’s organization or Rights of Passage here in Washington) shortly after graduating at the end of next spring / summer. I can feel my soul reaching out, wanting to change. It’s been doing this for some time now and I’ve managed to ignore it but I can’t any longer...

--------------------------------

Suddenly the outline of his life shimmered like a mirage and twisted itself into an entirely new shape in his mind, and he nearly laughed out loud.

“Of course,” he whispered triumphantly. “Of course!” And he meant by this: Of course I’ve betrayed myself. I was sure I wouldn’t, but of course I have. For comforts, for pleasant companionship, for acceptance, for respectability, for security. For the sake of appearing to be a sensible, mature fellow. I thought I could get away with it, but of course I didn’t. No one can.

It didn’t matter now. The betrayal was over. By night fall he would be behind the wheel of his Volvo with all he would ever need from this life in a single suitcase. It was going to be a nightmarish day, an agonizing day. There were other lives to be shattered along with his own, because other lives had been molded against his. Three others would share in the common disaster, but he would defer all guilt until later. This was the way it had to be.

Because it was time to resume the abandoned search. The search for a road. A certain road.

- Daniel Quinn, The Holy.